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[14 Aug 2007|11:26am]
Mundane Dreams.


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I am in math class. I have done my homework.

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I am at work, wearing my clothes.

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I registered for a college class and today is the final exam. I am well prepared.

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No one is chasing me.

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I'm standing perfectly still. I don't feel like I'm falling.

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A guy comes up to me in an alley, smiles and says hello, and keeps walking.

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I'm underwater for a long, long time. Then I surface, take a deep breath, and go underwater again.

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I drive my car really fast and get to Cleveland that much sooner.

Awesome. I had the non-mundane version of the math one last night. Link here.
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once again, men win and women lose [03 Aug 2007|09:46am]
I would say this makes me angry, but that would make me appear "out of control" (*bites tongue*):
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[17 Jul 2007|04:05pm]
Lately, pleasurable parenting moments have been few and far between. When Olivia and I emerged from our respective naps this afternoon, I asked her if she wanted a Freezee. She was like, "No, but I'll have a Shrek Popsicle that Dad bought." I explained that we used to call those Freezees back in the Olden Days. She chose a lime one and I thought that looked pretty good, so I pulled out a red one for me. The air conditioning was cranked and our hands were slowly freezing to the plastic wrappers, so I suggested we finish them outside. And even though the eternally revered Dora the Explorer was just starting, she thought going outside was a great idea. So we sat out on the warm back step, slurping away and watching the ants scurry around. After about ten minutes she said, like the peer-pressuring teen she's sure to become, "c'MON, let's go back INSIDE!" I protested and she started getting a little anxious, "c'mon (squirm, squirm) ... when Dora ... just ... C'MON!!" She was actually hopping up and down. I laughed and opened the door. She stomped in and muttered, "My feet were freaking HOT."
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Kids Books That Don't Suck [23 Jun 2007|09:47pm]
I am so wishing I'd bought these books. My favorite?

Baby, Mix Me A Drink
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[19 Jun 2007|01:37pm]
wow - pretty cool way to be artistic:

shadows made from garbage
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playing around [19 Jun 2007|09:44am]
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Fishing [18 Jun 2007|02:06pm]
Olivia and BJ on Father's Day:

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[10 May 2007|05:49pm]
Feeling kind of sick about this:

kid vs. cobra

But at the same time, feeling FABULOUS about my parenting skills.
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Critical Information [01 May 2007|09:52am]
Do I Need a Jacket?
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[19 Apr 2007|05:05pm]
Has anybody else noticed that Cho Seung-Hui totally seems like he had Asperger's?
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Help Desk [11 Apr 2007|10:19pm]

medieval tech support
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*splutter* [06 Apr 2007|05:44pm]
If I could discuss this without swearing and losing my ever-loving mind, I would:
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[01 Apr 2007|07:42pm]
The night before my birthday, I couldn't stop crying - quiet, but steady, until I fell asleep. Birthdays to me feel like, for better or worse, laying an expectation before the people you think you matter to, that they will express somehow to you that your existence is relevant. The problem is, this year of grieving over something so few understand has taught me clearly that I generally matter very little to most of the people who matter to ME. (This is not directed at anybody who could actually read this post, honestly.) So as I went to sleep the night before my 37th, I felt ... empty. This is exacerbated of course by the fact that I'm on anti-depressants which may need tweaking. Even so, I was having a hard time. BJ was able to comfort me some, and I eventually went to sleep.

I woke up Saturday morning to whispers between BJ and Olivia, then a huge toddler drawing of me with funky hair, doing a mid-air cheerleader split, some nice cards and a couple thoughtful magazines (BJ had given me a huge wad of spending money last weekend, as my gift to go shopping with my sister in Calgary). Eventually, my parents called, and my sister, and a good friend stopped by to take me for a walk and drop off a gift. I'd been dreading the day, but it passed fairly well.

BJ's card was a beautiful sentiment, about noticing all the things I do; and instead of writing a typical husband sign-off of "I love you, you're the best!", he wrote:

"I know this past year sucked, but we made it together. This next year we'll take together as well." It was what I needed. Wake up one more day, figure it out as I go, then try again tomorrow.
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teaching kids that "intelligence can be developed" [21 Mar 2007|09:22pm]
This was a fascinating article, explaining why praising a child's effort instead of intelligence is much more effective in producing a successful learner:

New York Magazine on Praising Children

I especially like this quote:

“Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control,” [the director of a really compelling study] explains. “They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure.”
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[16 Mar 2007|11:10am]
Yesterday, BJ and I both took the day off work and drove with Olivia to a bigger town about an hour away. She got a mini-manicure, we both got our hair cut, we had lunch and Olivia's nap at her aunt's house, then an afternoon of endless reading of picture books and hot chocolate at the in-store Starbuck's. Plus dinner out at a favorite restaurant before we drove home. It was a bit exhausting, but we wanted Olivia to have a positive family experience because this last year has been so hard. I think she enjoyed herself, attached photo notwithstanding.

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OCD [07 Mar 2007|09:15pm]
Okay, laugh all you want, but I want this:
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moments that make me hang in there [23 Feb 2007|09:20pm]
Sometimes, Olivia's mere presence can make me want to bash my head into the wall, just for a moment of silent oblivion. She's still hanging onto the terrible twos, while mixing in a little over-the-top threes vocabulary, just to mix things up. She's bossy and demanding, and throws in a dash of guilt by reminding me that she gets those traits from her mother.

But tonight, after her bedtime routine was done, Olivia wanted me to stay; so I lay next to her and she snuggled up to my face, giving me butterfly kisses, and being incredibly sweet. Then she said, "I'm going to bring you for Show and Tell." I laughed and asked what she would Tell them about me. She paused, then said, "I'm going to tell them that you have GREAT IDEAS. And how sweet you are. And how beautiful you are. And how nice you are. And how I love your eyes, and your glasses, and your eyebrows, and your nose, and your cheeks, and your TALKING." Then, when she was all done being sweet, she asked me to kiss the inside of her nose. I squealed, "Ewww...GROSS!" And she laughed her infectious laugh.

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[19 Feb 2007|09:06pm]
Among the things I never thought I'd hear myself say to my kid:

"Go play in a dark room!"

That contraption was her idea.
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living with girls [07 Feb 2007|07:42pm]
Beautiful. Perfect., on HER three-year-old daughter:

"I want you to know that while the last year was pretty difficult for your father and me, difficult in terms of things that have everything to do with being an adult, the last year was the best we have had with you by far. I had been worried that this would be a tricky year, because legend has it that two-year-olds can be repulsive human beings. I have known many two-year-olds in the past who had me convinced that I wanted to give birth to a full grown 30-year-old man. So I had no idea it could be so marvelous, so full of off-key songs and belly laughs and racing each other down the cereal aisle. And while there have been plenty of those horrible moments that you’d expect living with a human being who does not yet know the difference between her mother and a paid butler, there have been so many more that have made your father and me question whether or not life could get any fuller. You have brought him closer to me, and not just because we’re here in the trenches together, dodging your bombs and gunfire. I see how much he loves you, how he looks at me when you do something funny so that we can share that brief moment together. Living with you has been something else we have fallen in love over, and even more than our favorite music or the sushi we like to eat when we go out, you are what we have in common. And every night after we put you to bed and settle down to watch a show or read a book, your father and I will first talk to each other in your voice, will repeat something ridiculous you have said during the day, because we miss you already."
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imitation = flattery [31 Jan 2007|03:26pm]
There's nothing like somebody wanting to be just like you to make you feel good about yourself.

The other day, Olivia noticed my razor hanging in the shower and stated that she wanted to use it to shave her face like Daddy. I explained that daddies shave their faces, and mommies shave their legs (no need to get into the nuances of feminism, or Hirsutism, I thought - she is only three). She said she wanted to use my razor to shave her legs right that minute, and I told her we'd get her her own someday, and she was never to touch mine.

So a couple days later, she was at WalMart with BJ, and stopped dead in her tracks at a display of pink Venus razors. She demanded he purchase one for her so she could shave her legs. Of course she picked pink, and of course she picked the most expensive disposable razor on the market. I'm not sure how he distracted her from that one, but I'm sure it had something to do with hunting paraphernalia, just to even out the estrogen onslaught.

I wonder what amazing combination of the two of us she'll end up extracting for her own personality.
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